in the world? of the world?

As I stand in the shower this morning, praying and thinking about the upcoming events in my life and thinking about where I was a year ago. Almost to the day, Ryan and I were on a beach in Taiwan having that first chat about starting to date and take our relationship to the next level, we were exhausted from 3 crazy months of studying the bible inductively and I personal was just so overwhelmed with the love of Christ and being in another country just praising God for the things that He was doing in me and through me for the Kingdom of Heaven. At that point in my life, I never thought that I would be where I am a year later. Almost married, working for the man (or at least thats what it feels like somedays), finding myself concerned with the ways of the world at time and no so concerned with advancing the gospel to those who really need to hear it most. And well frankly, maybe I am being a little hard on myself, I really don't know. All I know is that my heart is constantly being tugged back and forth of this idea of being in the world but not of the world. It seems like it was just so much easier to think on things of the Kingdom when I was constantly surrounded around other believers. When my daily goals and tasks were revolved around ministry and studying the bible, to be perfectly honest, I desperately miss that. John 17:16 'They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.' John 15:19 'If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.' Life is hard when you have to walk with Jesus on your own. But in the midst of this challenge, my eyes are constantly being opened. I am realizing that God wants to use me in some pretty neat ways. Even when I fail, He still wants to use me. Even when I don't get to see the big picture. He is challenging me and growing me for the time when he needs to stretch me most and use me in ways I could never even begin to imagine. I don't know if this blog was supposed to be an encouragement to those who are in the same place as me, or it was just to vent of the things of my heart at the moment, but whatever the case i do know and believe that GOD IS GOOD. ALL THE TIME. His purposes and ways are so beyond my thinking and comprehending. He is trustworthy, faithful, and full of provision when I least expect it. I would NEVER want to follow any other religion, Creator other than the One who truly paid the price for my freedom. He is my reason for getting through the times when it seems like I am just going through the motions and He is the reason for the times when I am actively in a ministry organization, reading the bible 12 hours the day. Be reminded today that He always needs to be the reason. Not the ways of the world, the paycheck you will receive or even the grade on the book of John that you will get. Jesus, you will be my reason for this day, as I go to work and make money, may I honor you and glorify you in all that I do. May I look for opportunities to be used by you for the advancement of your Kingdom. Amen.