its been a few weeks...but how about some HEART SURGERY?!?!

So it definitely has been a few weeks since I last wrote.. I think that is because So much has been going on here sometimes its hard to put it into words and truly articulate the ways that God has changed me or worked in me. I can tell you though...Its quite a lot. I really don't see much of the old me in myself anymore. When I say that I truly only mean the broken me. God is making me whole. Its awesome. Its blowing me away. Its like heart surgery. Really. If you can imagine what heart surgery is while you are still using every part of your body. It can be quite exhausting , Honestly. Its like each week has been a continuation of the previous.

I'll break it down for you as simple as possible. It started with Repentance and Forgiveness week..The Lord showed me there was a lot that I need to Repent of. To ask for TRUE Repentance. To ask Him for forgiveness on things and RUN from the past. Never going back to those past sins. Forgiving those who have hurt me in ways that I didn't even know imagined. It was like the beginning of heart surgery. He was just putting me under the knife. He was opening my body up. Allowing me to exposed to the world. To the class. Making me transparent and all my sins known. It was one of the hardest but more cleansing feeling of my life. Allowing oxygen to consume the inner most parts of my body. Allowing the Holy Spirit to come and fill me up.

1 John 1:8-9 "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Wow...So step one in the process is definitely well on its way...The next week consisted of Lordship. It was amazing how the Lord continued to blow me away. Making me aware of my independent spirit. It was funny, I went through the whole week really toying with the idea of having an independent spirit, of trying to figure out why I always want to do things on my own..or think i can do it all on my own...or feeling like I have to do it all on my own..By the end of the week after laying down those rights, the right to an independent spirit, the right to a rebellious spirit. etc. I still didn't feel quite right...There was more..I could feel it in my soul. I just didn't quite know how to put my finger on it. During our Friday Night Meeting while the speaker was talking...it hit me..SMACK IN THE FACE... its not so much that I have an Independent spirit...but that independent spirit stems from MISTRUST...Mistrust with people, my parents, men, friends and finally God. I didn't trust God. At all. Wow God. I am sorry. Okay so this was the part in the heart surgery process where God has taken my heart out of my body..and He was cleansing it in his hands. He was definitely washing away the areas that Just needed some deep cleaning from His love.
His love was exactly what I needed.

The process of heart surgery was definitely moving into the deepest parts of my heart... The weeks continued on and The Father Heart of God was up next. I knew going into this week that God was wanting to do some major healing in my life. Like majorly! wow. And that did come for sure! Thursday and Friday consisted of intense weeping like I had never done in my life. It was so healing, refreshing, and beautiful. God share with me how much he Loved me. He gave me new spirits and took away old broken ones. sooo goood. Amazing how God works. How he shows up when you need it most. This part of the heart surgery was quite different than any other part, it was If God was still holding my heart in His hands and as its beating and being cleansed, He is breathing in all the negative oxygen from the heart and blowing into my heart new life, new oxygen. Soo refreshing. Its as if, I can begin to feel my heart beating faster and more steady without it even being in my body.

Psalm 34:18 'The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit'

I am beginning to see the end to the surgery. The light is coming back into my eyes....
This last week we talked all about Relationships of different kinds. From romantic relationships, to relationships with our parents and friends, to relationships with our Heavenly Father. My eyes were opened even more to the fact that God is wanting to redeem my past. To not make my bad relationships of the past, my relationships of the future. Again I am receiving more revelation on this area. God is teaching me Humility and how to strengthen the relationships around me. He is restoring broken relationships of my past that will be strong relationships for my future. I am in awe. So much awe, of His REDEEMING LOVE......I would say this is the part of the heart surgery where God is placing my heart back in my body. Connecting back up all the right cords. As he is stitching my body back up...He is gently Kissing each one of the stitches and my body becomes overwhelmed with love and hope and life....

Oh what a life I am living...RUNNING TO WIN.