work.in.process.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finis its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." -James 1:2-8

Such a great verse. One that I can truly take heart in these days. Not that I have too many troubles right now. I do have a few and I feel like I just needed to hear that this morning to refresh my memory. Oh how quick I can take this world and everything in it for granted. Oh how i can become selfish and play into my selfish desires. IT IS SO EASY. But it really doesn't bring me pure joy. What is pure joy anyways? Pure Joy brings me back to my days at SWOCC. Not because it was pure joy but because it was anything but, time and time again i was searching for it, knowing and literally being able to feel something missing deep in my soul. Not sure what it was but understanding there was only thing that had even remotely come close to producing a feeling in me that filled that void. Jumping ahead two years. Alive. Alive. Alive. Joy. Joy. Joy.

It all came from seeking the Lord. Asking him, running to him, clinging to him. Even when i wasn't even sure if he was there. I still persisted because it was the only thing that truly felt right. I wanted to but full of pure joy. I had to want it. Otherwise it just wouldn't happen.

I find myself having hard days. But i know and cling to the fact that they are still amazing. I get to wake up everyday and praise the Lord freely. I get to engage in community. Even if i don't get to see them everyday. I am made for so much more. I will do great things. Through this transition time, I know God is going to open my heart and mind to amazing things. I am learning how to patiently wait...whether or not i really want to.

Everyday I seem to be learning more and more about my identity and whom I am to my Father. Sometimes its hard to see or even comprehend why he feels the way he does about me. But i know it to be true. I must believe and not doubt. It is by no means an easy process. but i am a work in process....

God is love.