just give me a sign..

I have felt a little lost today. I think i have come to realize that i haven't been seeking the Lord like He wants me to. Like i want to be.  I think the loss of community that once was so physically close has put into perspective how important that is in my life. Its interesting. I am not quite sure what the Lord is really trying to teach me right now. But i know its something. I am looking for vision. for a move. for discernment. I continually wonder if what i am doing is enough. If who i am is enough. Break my heart for what breaks yours Father. Give me compassion. hope. FAITH. let me have Faith in you. Show me what that looks like. I sometimes think that I do have Faith..or enough of it but when i really start to put things together and process my thoughts, do i quickly realize that I lack soo much faith. 

I am brought to the verse in Matthew 14:31 when Jesus is talking to Peter about walking on water. 'Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith, why did you doubt." 

It is so true. I am constantly doubting. why? I mean come on really...why? If i have Faith that Jesus died on the Cross of MY sins. (Which i really do) Then why can't i have Faith that God is going to provide in other ways of my life..Why dont i have faith that God will give me signs when i ask for them. Am i just scared of the outcome or do i really think it cant happen? 

So much to process and think about today i guess. I do know this..

God is good. so good.