So i guess i can start by saying that it has been an interesting couple of weeks to begin the journey. I left Oregon with a bang. and i mean a BANG! The benefit concert was amazing! I made almost all the money i needed for my DTS, it was amazing to see my closest friends and family come together and celebrate a time of joy and love. amazing. simply amazing. Thank you to all who attended.
The next few days were a blur of packing and saying goodbye to my closest friends. all of whom i miss dearly already. even though most of you are still a phone call away. Off to Reno with my mom, i had been praying for the time spent with her would be fruitful, meaningful and not wasted. I wanted it to be full of the love of Christ. That she would look at me and see His love and light just pouring out of me. I wonder if after leaving her those two days, if it was enough. Enough to let Christs love really pour onto her, that she may consume it and understand it. Thats when i have to remember, that its all in his timing not mine. I know that God may never be early...but he definitely isnt late. So i ponder on the few conversations that my mother and I did get to have. I pray that God would continue to give me boldnes in my relationship with Him and her.( Its amazing but trying to reach those closest to us with the gospel is extremely difficult.)
As the next few days have came and past, the really havent consisted of much besides a lot of sleeping and a lot of seeking the Lord. Its weird though, I feel like even as I have been seeking, the Lord has been quiet. Very quiet. I just desire so deeply to be consumed in His love and His arms right now...but its almost as if I am just smelling it but thats is. I do believe that God has very strong intentions with His quietness right now. I just keep setting my eyes on Him for every opportunity to hear from Him.
I just want to be filled up by His presence. His love. His wonders. His joy. I'm ready for it. I am ready for you Lord.
O' Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you preceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in-behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if i make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise up on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the daym
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mothers womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts , O God!
How vast the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversarues misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you O Lord,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them as my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.